I’m so tired of being alone. I’ve been single for almost 2 years now, the longest amount of time I’ve gone without a girlfriend. I feel like such a failure. I’ve got so much love inside me and so much affection to give, but nobody wants it. My last girlfriend, Jennifer, destroyed me when she left. To this day, I miss her and love her. I don’t think I’ll ever not love her. She left me and went back to her ex and married him. He cheated on her, I didn’t. But I guess that’s what she wanted, someone dishonest, who doesn’t deserve her. Before Jenn left me, I hadn’t been single in a long time. I don’t know anymore, how to meet girls, or what to say to them. I’m looking for someone to love, someone to hold, someone to travel with, vacation with, wake up to in the morning. Most single guys just want sex. I don’t really care about that much. It would be nice, as I haven’t had sex in a very long time, but it’s not what I’m really craving. I want a relationship. I’ll be 35 in 5 months. I have a crazy feeling that I’ll still be alone by the time I hit 40, in 5 years. My plan was always to marry by 30, have kids by 35. I’m 34 now, and I’m not at all the guy I thought I’d be by now. I have a job, a car, and an apartment. That’s it. I have enough money to pay my bills, and that’s about it. I don’t have a girl to spend time with, or spend money on. I used to love waking up on Sunday mornings, with Jenn in my bed still asleep. And I’d go make us breakfast, or go get us bagels while she slept. And when she woke up, I had breakfast ready for her. We did everything together, and we never had a fight. We had every detail of our wedding planned. We were set for life, and then she left. I haven’t felt like much of a man since then. She hurt me bad. That’s why I wrestle. I can go out there in front of a crowd, and play a character. I don’t have to be myself, and that’s fine, cuz I don’t like myself. I haven’t been happy since she left. I don’t know how to be. I put on a good facade, like I’m happy. But inside, I’m miserable, and I have been for a long time.The truth is, there’s been a huge emptiness inside since she left. And I don’t know if I need a girl to fill it, or if I think I specifically need HER to fill it. I realize it’s been almost 2 years, but in my heart, it feels like we broke up only yesterday, and it sucks. I don’t believe love exists. Not anymore. You put your all into someone, into a relationship, into building something beautiful, and it leads to nothing but heartbreak and misery. That’s not love. That’s selfishness on one person’s part, while the other suffers in emotional turmoil for who knows how long. Love doesn’t exist. Lust exists, not love. Love is a figment of the imagination. It’s something people want to believe in because it invokes happy thoughts. But believing in love, actual love, is simply lying to one’s self. I thought what Jenn and I had was true love. But that ended. Badly. And she left me to go back to a guy who, when I asked what happened, she had nothing good to say about, and trash-talked. But like I said earlier, I guess that’s what she wants, a scumbag. Well, nice guys finish last. And I’m Joe….a nice guy.

Saturday March 10, 2012 – Garden State Wrestling – Lebanon PA

Friday April 6, 2012 – Keystone Wrestling – Plymouth PA

Friday April 27, 2012 – Garden State Wrestling – Sussex NJ

Friday May 4, 2012 – Keystone Wrestling – Plymouth PA

Friday June 1, 2012 – Keystone Wrestling – Plymouth PA

July, 2012 – Keystone Wrestling – Plymouth PA (Date TBD)

October 29, 2011 will be a bittersweet day. On October 29, 2011, the IWF, Independent Wrestling Federation in West Paterson, NJ will hold its final live event, and then close its doors for good. The IWF has held a place in my heart for the past 11 and 1/2 years. That’s where I got started.

In December of 1999, at 23 years old, I walked into the IWF Center wrestling school, met Kevin Knight, and decided “this is what I’m going to do”. I never had dreams or aspirations of making it big in the WWE or WCW. I knew already, even back then, that I didn’t want to work that insane road schedule. My dream was to work for ECW, the “renegade” promotion from South Philly, 2 hours from where I lived. I loved ECW, and very much still do. Unfortunately, the company closed its doors in early 2001, and I never got the chance to work there, but that didn’t give me a reason to give up my love: professional wrestling. After graduating from 12 months of training at IWF, I moved on to CWF, under the leadership of Pete Ferriero, and the rest is history. Kevin Knight and I lost touch shortly after my graduation. I continued wrestling all over the east coast and parts of Canada, and still do today. About a year ago, in Sept of 2010, a close friend of mine, Larry Lawson, wanted to start training. I instantly recommended the IWF school. I emailed Kevin, told him about my friend, and asked if it would be cool that I come down to the school with him. Kevin invited me to come anytime. I went back to IWF regularly for about 4 months, while my friend Larry was in training, until I injured my left knee, and required surgery. I was out of action for quite a while. During my time off, I regularly attended IWF live events. Once I was back in the ring, I was traveling/wrestling every weekend, along with working my day job during the week and simply didn’t have time to really go to training when I wanted to, and I started doing 4 live online radio shows a week, which were on training nights, so that got in the way as well. When I could, I’d spend an hour or two either at a wrestling school in PA when I was there, or in the ring before my weekend shows, just bumping around and staying active. I still went to a few IWF shows even though I hadn’t been back for training in months, and I was always welcomed, and always felt appreciated. This Saturday, that will all come to an end, as IWF will host its last show ever. It’s going to be an emotional day. There will be wrestlers there who haven’t been to IWF in years, and there will be the current group of IWF stars. I can’t wait to get there and see the action get underway.

I owe my entire 11+ year career to Kevin Knight and the IWF. To Biggie Biggs, to Rich Ross, to AJ Sparxx, and to everyone who helped with our training back in 2000: Steve Corino, Simon Diamond, Danny Doring, Dawn Marie, Mike Kehner and so many others. Throughout the years that I was away from IWF, I still worked a ton of shows with a lot of then-current, as well as former, IWF talent, and I still do regularly. We were trained well, we were trained professionally, we were trained old school, and most importantly, we were trained PROPERLY. I will deeply miss IWF and the school, even just the building itself. It’s the end of an era.

Earlier this week, I planned on simply attending the final event, paying my respects to those who gave me the opportunity to live my dream, and to say goodbye to the school that produced me. But much to my delight, Kevin Knight e-mailed me this afternoon, Wednesday 10/26, and asked if I’d like to be a part of the show. I said HELL YEAH.  I am so honored and thrilled to be booked on the final IWF event in history. It will be fun. It will be great. But I honest-to-God hold that place and that promotion in very high regard, so because of that, it will be emotional. When we first started our training, Kevin said to us one day in class “a lot of people have said ‘Who the hell is Kevin Knight, and who is he to open a wrestling school’. Well, I’m gonna show ‘em who I am”, and show them he did. The IWF school has produced WWE and TNA talent, the top two wrestling companies on television right now, and if its’ doors weren’t closing, there could easily be 3 or 4 more guys there who would be signed within the next 2 years as well. As IWF guys, we weren’t millionaires, we weren’t driving around in limos or had huge fancy houses. We had things SO much more important than any of that. We had PRIDE, we had RESPECT. I can’t tell you how many times a promoter heard I was trained by Kevin Knight and the IWF, and I was booked solely on that basis, and a few of those promoters I still work for to this day. Kevin trained us well, and PROPERLY. THAT is key. We were taught professionalism, respect, and how to conduct ourselves in AND out of the ring. I realize I can be crude and/or harsh at times, but that’s just me, nothing to do with wrestling.

This Saturday will be the first IWF live event that I work since my wrestling school graduation in June of 2001, of which I still have my graduation certificate. This Saturday will be a great day, and I’m extremely proud to say that I’m a Camp IWF graduate and alumni. This is the end of an era. Without a doubt, one of the best and well-run wrestling training centers in the country is closing its’ doors. And I’m honored to be one of the boys, who will make the final walk down IWF’s aisle from the dressing room to the ring.

Thank you to Kevin Knight, without whom, I may not have lasted as long as I have, and I’m still going.

Thank you to Biggie Biggs, who’s mind for the business is FILLED with gems of knowledge.

Thank you to AJ Sparxx and Rich Ross, for their teachings of a lot of the “behind-the-curtain” aspects of the wrestling business.

And thank you to every wrestler, manager, staff member, and referee, who’s ever walked through the doors of Camp IWF. I’ve learned from all of you in one way or another.

It’s been great. Thank you, Kevin.

Matt Denton flew in from England for a week to be there for my trial and to support me.

I met a girl there, whose name I forget, but she had a cell phone the size of a Netbook, that opened into a full-sized laptop desk/table. It was called the “Ashcan” and it cost $420.

There was a kitchen and dining room as our mess hall, and all our meals were home-cooked and buffet style. There was some really good food. Desserts were ice cream and M&M’s.

Gary Dell’Abate (Baba Booey) from the Howard Stern Show was one of the prison wardens and he was pissed at me because I wouldn’t cooperate.

Al Snow was also a warden. He was pissed at me because there were 4 other indy wrestlers locked up besides myself, and instead of mug shots, they all gave Al Snow 8×10 promo photos. I didn’t, so he got mad.

There was an autograph session in the mess hall cafeteria with Kevin Nash, DDP, Ron Simmons (he had a mohawk), and Bradshaw. Kevin Nash shook my hand thinking I was Mick Foley.

I got into an argument with two older black women, one of them had a metal golf tee pierced through the bridge of her nose. One asked me a question, then started talking over me while I was answering her so I got mad and yelled at her and got in more trouble from warden Al Snow.

I was very excited when I found the hidden stash of M&M’s.

The girl I met earlier kissed me and we made out for a bit. She sent me an email (we were allowed to use our cell phones in jail). I got her email, but Matt Denton secretly changed the theme on my iPhone to Japanese, as a rib on me. So I couldn’t read the email except the first line that said “Joe, you are hella fun!”. I forget the girl’s name but it started with an M.

For some reason, I took that girls Ashcan cell phone into the interrogation room with me and Danny Inferno came in to get it for her and bring it back to her.

I went outside for a cigarette and saw Vanessa (@Hottie0086) walking on the sidewalk and yelled “Vanessa!!” three times but she never heard me, or just ignored me.

I had two jobs, my current office job, and Best Buy. I remember I had double-booked myself for work the following morning and I wanted to use my “one phone call” to call one of my bosses and say I couldn’t come in. In this dream, it must’ve been Friday because I remember telling Baba Booey “Tomorrow is Saturday, I have Best Buy from 8-2, but my other job from 11-6, they overlap so I have to call out of one”.

Baba Booey made me go through the pockets in a pile of clothes he had, to look for money. He said I could keep any nickels I found. How generous.

A woman from my real-life day job was in jail too. She was eating when I saw her. I went into the fridge to grab something and she was telling me that even though I don’t wear glasses, I should start because it would make my hair look longer.

Matt Denton claimed he got a hotel room for the week, but when he showed me pics of it, he was actually staying in someone’s garage at their house. Odd.

I woke up about 11:30AM, and this is all of what I remembered. What. The. Fuck.

I’m in Mexico to work some wrestling shows. I don’t have a hotel room, so I sleep on a couch in a random hotel lobby bathroom, that happens to have a TV in it. I get bored at 2:53AM so I decide to take a walk. I walk to a little bodega/deli type place and arrive at 7:23AM. So I walked for 4 1/2 hours. They’re not open yet. They open at 7:30AM, but the catch is, they close at 7:32AM. LOL So I walk in, and Rockin Rebel (ECW/WCW/Indies) is workin at the deli counter. So I sit down and Rob Feinstein (RF Video) happens to be sitting next to me. He has a Mexican newspaper. It has pics of me in it from a random BWO show from NJ. I order a cinnamon roll and a donut. Feinstein orders a salad and I yell at him “who the fuck eats salad at 7:30 in the morning!!”. Him and Rebel laugh, Rob says “Joey Image just yelled at me for ordering salad! Hahaha” we all have a big laugh, and I wake up.

What. The. Fuck. ??

Here’s the deal, everyone can speculate or say I’m wrong, but I would venture 90% or more of the people who don’t call me Raven, who call me Scott are just trying to be “oh, look how cool I am.” Raven is my stage name. Raven is my public name, you wouldn’t talk to Marilyn Manson and call him Brian because he doesn’t go by Brian. If John Wayne were alive, you wouldn’t call him Marion (snicker) because that’s his real name. You wouldn’t call Tom Cruise Mr. Maytother or whatever the hell his last name is, you’d call him Tom or Mr. Cruise. Hey look, you’re gonna call me what you’re gonna call me. All I’m saying is I prefer Raven. Raven is also my name in the Screen Actor’s Guild (yes, it does say Raven on the card and the bill for dues is sent for Raven). I also don’t think by writing my journals and letting you have glimpses into what makes me tick that I’ve invited you to call me Scott. Similarly, if you are watching “Cribs” and Snoop Dogg is on and he lets you into his house, he’s still not saying call me Bob or whatever the hell his name is. It is called TheRavenEffect.com, not ScottLevy.com anymore. I was incredibly flattered that Vic went to this much trouble creating this phenomenal site because of his respect for me. I think it’s an incredibly generous act but I asked Vic that to make it official we change the name. He was cool with that. He understood that that is my public face. If your name is Richard, but you prefer Rich and I call you Dick, that’s disrespectful even though Dick is a perfectly acceptable nickname for someone named Richard, just ask ‘Tricky Dick’ Nixon. To reprint a fan, “Destiny’s,” words:

“Did you even read Raven’s journal entry?? He didn’t say anything about fans knowing his real name, let alone that looking it up was disrespectful. And if you believe he would “freak out” on someone who did, you must have read that somewhere else. He didn’t write it here.

Frankly, you seem to have missed the point of Raven’s entry altogether. Let me help you. The point is, simply stated, courtesy. Wrestlers and other public figures have the same right to be treated courteously as everyone else. And in the matter of what to call them, courtesy means you call them whatever they wish to be called. Its’ their right and privilege to decide what that is. Not mine. Not yours. I have one aunt who wants to be called “Aunt so & so” and another who wants to be called by her given name alone. The only way I would disregard their wishes is if I had no respect for them.”

You know what I prefer, but I respect your decision to call me what you want. But then you have to respect me if I decide to snub you if I feel your tone to be all insider-y. Yes, insider-y is not a word, but you can tell what it means.

Superstars -
Archer/Benjamin. Silent crowd. Archer fought through ref’s 5 count, tree of woe spot. Shelton over by DQ.
Striker/Grisham come out to Strikers music.
Cryme Time vs Knox/Haas. Knox missed a spear, but JTG sold it, and Knox didn’t. WTF. JTG over Haas. Not a good match. Left the ring together. Double file behind each other. Odd exit there.

Smackdown -
Matt Hardy video randomly plays for no reason for about 30 seconds, then is cut off.
Rey/Batista video.
Pyro – gf jumps 20 feet in there in startle-ment LOL
People hold up signs. My gf holds up popcorn.
Punk/Dorian Deville (Gallows) come out. Punk, awesome promo about new years resolutions. Hilarious. Stupid “What” chants. Next week “saves” an audience member.
Hardy vs Punk, Beat the Clock contest, winner to get IC title shot. Quiet crowd. Lots of chain wrestling. I think about 9 people care. Punk wins in 7:20 with GTS. Dorian Deville looks much better than when he worked for Glitter.
McIntyre/Morrison hype.
Cameraman dances on apron. Much more entertaining than Punk/Hardy.
Kane pyro, crowd shits themselves. Ziggler entrance. Ziggler/Kane chain, DZ works the leg. I’m screaming “Hogan! TNA! January 4!!” zero ppl care. People chanting “you both suck” at Kane/Ziggler. I yelled “people are leaving”, somehow that got a pop. Kane/DZ do not beat the 7:20, match over. People by me yell “what a waste of 7 minutes”.
Truth/Batista, Jericho/Rey graphic
Indy jobber hits ring. “The Carolina Panther”. Khali enters. Chokeslam, over. Waste of breath. Indian marks next to me cheer loudly. Awful match.
Marine 2 commercial.
IC Title, Morrison enters, but the slo-mo effect does not seem to work live. (sad face). Mcintyre enters. Good pop for JM. Morrison hung up in ropes. Random chants by me. I rule. Turnbuckle pad removed. Mcintyre over by screwjob dq. Morrison attacks on the ramp. Ref has a “take no shit” attitude. Need more refs like this.
commercial
I may have mental issues.
Michele mccool and Layla enter. commercial
Beth Phoenix enters. Alexis Laree/Mickie James enters, in jeans. James over in 2 minutes. Layla/Michelle run-in. Beth makes the save. Layla takes rough bump outside. Beth turns on Mickie. Faceplant.
Jericho video, on way to ring. Commercial
Ring crew replacing canvas. Kid Rock video.
Jericho enters. HUGE pop/heat mix
Crowd reaction continues. Promo “bigger than SD and WWE”, runs down Rey. “gelatinous tapeworms” and “lollygagging dullards” LOL
Mysterio entrance. Some asshole in the crowd (ME) is yelling out a Taco Bell order at Rey. Good match so far. Good falsies. Rey over with 1 second left by rollup. Enormous pop for RM.
Another Marine 2 promo. Die Ted.
Harts enter. Jesse, Wang Yang and Maria. No reaction. Silence. DH Smith over Yang. NO TAGS all match, done in about 3 minutes. Nattie sharpshooter on Maria.
Truth/Dave next.
Mysterio enters. People are puzzled.
Truth entrance. Gay “what’s up” shit. Big Dave entrance. Decent heat. Slow, methodic. Good heel. Rey at ringside. I yell past workers names and get laughs. Guy in front of me does too, gets no pop lol bad spear attempt. Good spear after. Rey pulls ref out during Batista’s cover, Dave loses. Rey vs Taker for title. Rey runs out.
Vickie comes out. Announces Rey/Batista next week for #1 contender. Changes mind, street fight right now. Rey enters ring.
Garbage can lid spots. Batista sells brilliantly for Rey. Chair in ring.
Jericho run-in, attacks Rey
Hardy attacks Jericho
Punk attacks Hardy
Kane attacks Punk/Gallows
Rey wins from a Kane chokeslam on Batista. Bodies laying all over the ring.
Punk and Jericho in legit arguments with fans lol great heat for both.
Batista still in-ring selling for about 10 minutes.

Show overall = good fun.

As far as tickets to the events, we could all buy our own which is the easiest way, or if WWE still limits tickets to 8 per person, per purchase transaction, we could all send our money to a few people who can then buy tickets as groups to ensure we can all sit together. I’d also like to be able to have a few people chip in and help out others who maybe can’t afford full price for a ticket, but that’s a long shot. Meaning if we get $100 seats, and we have someone who can only afford $80, then we get a few people to chip in that last $20 for the ticket so that person could also sit with us. And then as far as that person paying back, you’d figure that all out with that person. I realize getting people to chip in for someone else may be tough, because of the prices, and the economy, etc (believe me, if I was a millionaire, I’d pay for all of you).

I will add more to this blog later on, as I am very busy at work right now, but also welcome any thoughts or ideas.